"EVIL QUEEN'S ONE GREAT DAME IN MY BOOK"

A so called know it all magic mirror, a poisoned apple and seven little people. Who knew that these were deciding factors in my career choice? I certainly didn't at least not at the time. But now, I can easily blame it on the wicked Queen. Yeah, it's all her fault with that sinister mean streak of hers.I mean what's up with tainted fruit and falling into a deep sleep?

Snow White didn't stand a chance, that is until the handsome Prince laid that magic kiss on her breaking the spell. Oh that idiot! It's characters like that that are a writers (okay, I mean my) worst nightmare and although 'happily ever afters' are what Disney looks for a writer like me doesn't. Sadly, the story ends there. Yada, yada, yada you must be thinking (had to throw in a little Seinfeld in that) but where is the meat and potatoes of the story? Yeah, the wicked Queen hello? If I had a lousy mirror telling me Snow White's 'hot and I'm not' I'd want my money back. Damn you Home Sense!

So let's have a little fun with this and dissect the two female leads shall we? Exhibit A: the wicked Stepmother/Queen. Yeah, she was pretty hot (a little weird and obsessed but still strikingly attractive in a evil kinda way). Her 'drama queen' antics just added to her obsession with that no-nonsense do-gooder White. Hey, who else would go to the extreme of disguising herself to ensure she did the deed. It's called eliminate the competition baby! Her wheels were always turning trying to successfully execute White's demise through the most homely of disguises. An old peasant woman. Impressive!

Onto Exhibit B: Snow White. Well, how exactly do I say this without sounding one sided. Okay how about drab, bland and uh boring. Yup, a regular 'yawnfest' here. So she was sweet, and kind and talked to the animals (guess Dr. Doolittle has a predecessor eh?) but she was flat out borrrrring. The rest of the time she spent shacked up in a tiny cottage with seven moody miners all of which seems quite strange. I often wondered about that whole dwarf business. Least I can figure Bashful, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy and Sneezy were in dire need of a little eye candy when they got home from all those hours in that dark and dreary mine together. Gives a whole new meaning to 'whistle while you work' now doesn't it? Yeaowzaaaa!

However, I will admit to this. Snow White was cute and perky, in a girl next door kinda way (not that there's anything wrong with that-yes, I'm referencing Seinfeld again, but it's MY story and I'll do with it as I please!) but still her character lacked some serious depth. What can I say I've got a thing for villains. Evil stark raving mad villains. Oh how I love them!

Which reminds me, it was my third grade class play of Snow White that sparked the writing bug. The wicked Queen initially caught my attention driving me to try out for it. Once I got the part I was unstoppable. Her evil cackle along with her hidden agenda completely sold me on the role. After all I thought she was by far one of the most vital characters of the fairy tale. The sheer irony of it all evolved totally around her. Ahhhh....be still my heart! Yes, I was going to make her evil royal highness come to life and did I ever. Muhahahahaha!

So with that being said, I'd like to express my thanks to her for stimulating my imagination as a impressionable eight year-old by allowing me to spread my creative wings and soar to new and exciting heights as an up and coming (hopefully) future writer. I now know the true meaning behind the line made famous by the 'Diva of Darkness' herself. Mirror, mirror on the wall who's the fairest writer of them all? You are (of course!) and I lived happily ever after. Yeah, I finally have hand! Sorry, I just couldn't resist. THE END!