"WASP CURLING: A WHACK SMACKIN' HECK OF A TIME!"

This is gives an entirely new meaning to the phrase, 'walk softly and carry a big stick'. In slow motion (and to the theme of 'Chariots of Fire' playing in my head) I raise the straw broom to the heavens and give the red bricks an earth-shattering whack taking my pesky unsuspecting opponents by surprise. Powerful blow after powerful blow is executed with the opposition falling one by one on each step below.

A colourful display of black and yellow buzzing stripes graces the pale blue painted concrete with the odd one still desperately hanging on to what little life they have left. Dazed and confused (literally!) and then sprayed with Raid (cause I needed to add more insult to injury right?), they are whacked once again to ensure they've met an untimely demise. I feel like the Tony Soprano of pest control sans Paulie Walnuts and Christopher Moltisanti to do my bidding. Ahhh...It truly is a thing of beauty for any homeowner who's had to contend with these unwanted house guests this summer. This way you can kick back, have a cold espresso and just fuggetaboutit. Bada-Bing!

You see, it's simple really. With the explosion of these stinging nuisances in Toronto (courtesy of a mild winter and the garbage strike) I've taken it upon myself to do something one would normally leave to the professionals. I've decided to rid them all by myself. And so it is with great pride that I have invented a new sport along the way. It's a combination of tennis, baseball, and curling all wrapped into one. Hence the name so appropriately fitting - 'Wasp Curling'. This catchy name was given by my neighbour Mario who watched in awe as myself and my significant other double-teamed (the two brooms for effectiveness and better results) to excel in this slap-happy event taking place right on my front porch.

Those busy buzzing beavers flying back and forth under a slight crack in my awning is reminiscent of a Tim Horton's drive-thru sans the blueberry bloom donut and regular double-double. It's like the DVP at rush hour but all the time. With such heavy traffic it's surprising that they don't have a mid-air collision and bugger off on their own. But why make life so easy for us humans eh?

This would make a great Olympic sport (with the smell of victory - me - and the agony of defeat - them) especially after the season we've been having (Helloooo Vancouver 2010!). This would require minimal equipment that can be found right in your very own home. Here's what you will need. A good straw broom (with strong bristles able to withstand a good lickin'), a sturdy ladder (depending on the whereabouts of their 'cone-condo' location), Raid (bug killer), a steady hand, luck, precision, and finally, an enormous amount of patience. Because even after all that you may have to repeat this a few times before you've completely rid your home of them.

Then there are rules that we (as humans) must comply with in order to save ourselves from their dreaded wrath. Yup, you guessed it the 'sting'. Now with that being said, I urge you to participate in this sport with extreme caution. Keep in mind your opponents are in fighting mode (yup, the gloves are off, even though they're tiny) and in their eyes you are now a large red bulls eye. We don't need nor want the battle scars to prove we've won the war especially if they require a trip to the ER. Ouch! Please try to avoid this at all costs. And remember once you start the game there's no way of knowing the outcome. There will be causalities but if the buzzing continues to persist, an extra slap or two of the broom should take care of that for you.

If even after all that the problem continues to persist, just know you've tried your best and it's time to call in the big guns. That's right, the Orkin Man's number is right by the phone in the hall. But we'll cross that bridge when (or if) we come to it. Until then...Go for the gold! But have an extra can of Raid handy just in case. Yikes!