"THE SCHOOL OF PARENTING: AHHHH A GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING!"

It's time to put away those flip-flops, checkered shorts and bathing suits for another nine months. The Daily Grind's hitting the books for another year, soon to be filled with its fair share of adventure, gossip and (dare I say it?) detention. Yikes! Yes, the wait is finally over for thousands of students big and small (and their parents) across this fair city. Oh it won't be long till you hear, 'my dog ate my homework!', 'he's dating who?' and 'I can't believe she's wearing that!' all the way till June.

But back to school isn't just for kids it's for grown ups too. With driving the little ones to and from class, piano lessons, soccer practice, making dinner, loads of laundry and playing referee, they've got multitasking down to an art form. Even though many struggle to keep themselves (and their sanity) in check. Translation: Don't put cheese slices in the blue-ray player please! So then why shouldn't it be considered a program that most if not all parents enrol in year after year? Being graded on perseverance, an enormous amount of patience (and I do mean enormous!), understanding (even though you always don't) and all the while it's service with a smile (even though you feel like your head is about to explode) these too can be successfully achieved. I smell a scholarship coming on!

In fictional-academic standards parents continuously excel in four subjects throughout their children's entire education without even realizing it. Psychology, english, physical education and mathematics all of which are incorporated into our daily routines and I'll tell you how.

Psychology is the study of human behaviour. No means yes, yes means no and nothing you say or do is considered 'cool' to them. The fact of the matter is you really don't know where the idea of purple hair came from or why tongue piercing is the 'in' thing to do. Doesn't everyone want a metal ball stabbed straight into the center of their tongue anyway? Oh goodie! Not! It's just a faze I'm sure and one that you pray they'll grow out of even before they leave the house even though you know that's not going to happen any time soon. So grin and bear it and just know that you too had your need to conform when you were their age. But at least you'd like to think you didn't look that ridiculous. Remember the mullet and acid jeans? What were you thinking? Eek! You should call the Fashion Police pronto and ban them from leaving the house till their 21!

English is the study of literature, structure and communication in language which lately seems has opened the door to a plethora of new words and phrases that can make things frustrating for those who fall into the IM illiterate category. So if trying to decipher what language your teenager is speaking has you wanting to pull your hair out then look no further than this, which is a clear indication it's the hardest subject to master yet. Yes, it's more mind boggling than the 'DaVinci Code'. Words like 'whack', 'owned', and the latest 'frenemy' have become part of the next generation of graduates vocabulary. Surprising there aren't any programs offered to us for this techno-gibberish. I've just mastered the science of 'LOL's', 'BRB's', and 'BFF's' texting (sorry SMS! But please don't get me started on that!) enough to get by and now this? But enough smack talk, let's move onto our next subject.

Between the complaints (leftovers for lunch again?), 'I'm late for practice!' and 'you're still on the phone!' comes the dreaded mathematics. The study of quantity, structure, space and change that coincidentally fits into our daily lives right down to the tinest detail. Questions like, 'what time will you be home after the movie?', 'how many piercings do you need in one ear?' and 'how much will those new jeans end up costing me?' are perfect examples of this. What it all boils down to is ca-ching. Time, distance, money it all translates to one thing, 'dollars and cents' or 'common-sense' as I like to call it. Be firm and stand your ground (when called for) but remember to be fair too. You don't want your kids to label you a reject from Lost nor do you want them think you're Bill Nye the Science Guy either. If you find that happy medium then you'll be well on your way to passing this subject with flying colours.

Our last class provides us with strength, endurance and sanity we thought we never had in a '24' hour period. Yup, move over Jack Bauer! It's physical education specifically designed to get us moving (after a strong espresso) to get the kids (and us) off to a good start (and finish) to the day. The 'if I close my eyes for just a moment' while waiting in the car idea never ends up happening. Because suddenly your mini-van door slides open and the small glimmer of hope for catching a few z's you had earlier is squashed with a child's voice uttering the words, 'Timmy put gum in my hair!' Great! Just great!

Whatever challenges ahead we face we know we're not alone in the world. And even though our decisions might not always be met with enthusiasm by our children which means we've finally turned into our own parents overnight. Not that there's anything wrong with that either! It's a good thing. So by the time the kids are off to college you've earned a well deserved, much needed time-out. After all you've breezed your way through runny noses, skinned knees, and detention, why shouldn't you be educationally compensated for it? Say a Masters Degree in parenting?

But for many there's still plenty of time between now and graduation day when you'll probably do cartwheels on your front lawn. Until then you can always throw yourself in detention from time to time. Translation: hide out in the attic, bedroom or garage with a cup of coffee and good book. A definite step up from staying after school isn't it? Ahhhh...let the games begin!